I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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