i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
