man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
