I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
