Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
