Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have feelings that need drinking.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
