...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
