my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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