So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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