dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
