So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize