If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
