I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Randomize
