the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
