I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
