the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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