My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm at about main and main street
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
