You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
