I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i dont even know how to be here
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
