So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
