Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
