so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize