When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
