Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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