I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
