Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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