Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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