we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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