my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can I color on your dick again?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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