if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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