Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
