WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your dad touched me again.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
