I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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