The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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