Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
