I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
