is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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