the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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