is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
