please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
