Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
