Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I seem to have left my pride at pride
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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