He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
