yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
