Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
