Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
