I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
