I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
