Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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