but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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