it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
