sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
