I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
