Kiss
Puke
I wish I could teleport
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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