I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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