Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
