Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
