Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize