Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
