If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
only if we run a train.
done.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
