We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
