i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
