I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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