Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
