There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize