she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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