if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
