You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
