it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
