i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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