drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize