Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
