I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
