alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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