dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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