none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Less talking, more tequila
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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