Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize