We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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