you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
