How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
