So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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