Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
