Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
