i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
