I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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