I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize