plz talk dirty to me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
