He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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