I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
