there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
