The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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