You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
