The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
