I can tuck mytits in my pants
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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