he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
