I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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