she woke up with a sticky ear
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
