i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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