She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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